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Oct. 4th, 2005 | 02:57 pm
posted by: hellfireknight in kalia_uni

Who: Seifer and Heather (And the occasional word thrown in by Maria)
What: A masturbation Clown and a camera
When: Last Weekend
Where: In front of the psychology building on campus
Warning: Well...they DO talk about masturbation and..this's Heather and Seifer we're talkin' about! Language!!!



Seifer Almasy stood outside of the Psychology block mouthing off to a group of giggling women who happened to come around to see the commotion that had been promoted by the woman who had created the problem in the first place- Maria. Dressed in a yellow clown suit, complete with a green and yellow curly wig, a red nose and large red shoes it was easy to say that Seifer looked ridiculous. What made it worse was the questions he had to ask...they had gotten him a few glares and Maria having to step in to explain the joke. In the background, the equally amused Maria stood with her arms crossed, clearly enjoying herself.
"Don't look so grumpy." She called as he mouthed off again to someone. He huffed, looking as if he'd been forced to swallow bad medicine.

Heather had been prepared for this.

No, she didn't know the exact identity of the clown--aside from a few passed comments on the school's journals system--but the oppurtunity was too good to pass up: how often did you get to see a clown asking people questions about masturbation? Even in Silent Hill, she hadn't seen anything this odd and, well, that was saying something. Luckily, the art department had allowed her to borrow one of their older videocameras and, holding this to her eye, she carefully approached the brightly colored clown. "Hm, and I thought clowns were supposed to be happy?"

"Oh fuck!" Seifer yelled as the young blonde approached with a videocamera. He felt his annoyance at both Maria and now this girl rising and he really wished that he could strangle the professor.
"Oh! Thats perfect!" Maria giggled from the background. "Smile for the camera, show off your sexy shoes." She taunted.
Seifer huffed. "Get that out of my face." He said through clenched teeth at the camera woman.

"Tch, I don't think that's part of your script," Heather chided. Of course, throughout, she was careful to keep enough distance to keep the clown from damaging her camera; she didn't want to have to explain to the department that it'd been destroyed by a rabid clown. Smirking, she merely continued to record. "So, what have you learned so far, clownie?"

The clown glared into the camera and huffed again. She was keeping her distance, preventing him from trying to smash the camera. Probably a good move.
"None of your fucking business, put the camera down." He growled, clenching and unclenching his fists. Of course the angry clown looked even more ridiculous with his hunched over angered stance and his death glare...

"Okay, you don't want to answer that," Heather nodded easily enough, but she made no immediate move to put the camera away. No, in fact, she moved around to get a good shot of him from all sides; she had to be thorough in this if she wanted to sell copies. "So then, tell me...why are you such an angry, angry clown despite your happy appearance?"

And the fact that she was moving around was getting on his nerves even more. He found himself breathing deeper, just to try and calm himself. Like that really worked.
"Why do you think? I have to ask questions about masturbation...wouldn't YOU be pissed off too?" He snapped.

"Well, it's useful information," Heather shrugged one shoulder as she played with the zoom button. She could see that the guy was getting frustrated and, as she wasn't entirely cruel, she was giving consideration to the idea of cutting him a break. "and at least no one's smacked you around yet, right?

"No its not. Ahah...when your asking questions like that? You WILL get smacked around." Seifer said with a twitch and his same angry stance remained.
"I've had to step in several times, but thats okay." Maria added before prodding him in the shoulder. "Go ahead, ask your little friend here..." She bit her lip, trying to suppress already visible smirks.
"...." Seifer huffed.

"Ask me?" Heather blinked a bit. She wasn't sure she wanted to answer these questions, but maybe she could have a bit of fun with it; no one ever said she had to be honest, right? "Well, it only seems fair, since I am harassing you pretty bad."

Seifer placed his hand on his forehead and made an annoyed grunting sound before looking at the girl. He couldn't tell how she felt about having to answer the questions as her face was obscured by the camera...but...he'd embaressed enough people today..what was one more, right?
"Okay...." He said...he was hesitant and took several seconds to get the question out.
"Do...you....y'know....do...it?"
"Do what, hon?" Maria called from the background.
"Mastur...masturbate." Seifer said through clenched teeth. Could he add Maria to a list of people to prank? Probably...


"How do you define masturbation?" Heather asked, taking on a mock-philosophic tone. Yes, it was a stupid question, but, considering how long it had taken the clown to get that question out, this would give her a few minutes to think of a suitable answer. Or, at least, one that'd make this go on as long as needed.

"Masturbation..Y'know...the act of...um.." Seifer blanked. How the hell was he going to describe masturbation as decently as possible..in front of a recording camera..."t...touching onesself in order to get...sexual pleasure..." Oh man...that was so bad. It didn't help that there was now an increasing crowd, snickering at him....

"Okay, but, you know, getting sexual pleasure's kinda vague," Heather pointed out. She was aware of the crowd and, though she was enjoying this, she wasn't sure she wanted to answer these kinds of things in front of a lot of people. Oh well, she'd find some way around that little problem. "I mean, some people could get pleasure just from scratching a bad itch. Still, I guess the answer's yes."

"...okay..." Seifer said, coughing and qurking an eyebrow before looking at his next question on the sheet. He had to keep a straight face everytime someone answered yes..not that most people did. They either answered straight with no or slapped him.

"H...how often?" He said hesitantly, keeping his eyes on the paper that he held in front of him.

"Whenever I see cute guys in clown suits?" Heather offered innocently. It wasn't a true answer, but she really just wanted to see the reaction, if any; maybe the guy would realize that she was playing with him as much as she was making fun of him. Or not. Though it wouldn't be seen because of the camera, she widened her eyes innocently and grinned.

He just blinked, snorted and shook his head. She was mocking him, but who wouldn't mock the clown suit guy?
"Heh...right." He said, as he wrote the answer down. "And...why...does that particular thing make you want to do that?" Hey. He was reading what it said on the paper. nothing more...

"Because of what they say about guys with big feet," Heather responded immediately. As she did so, she dipped the camera so she could get a good shot of the oversized clownshoes. "Oh, and also because the yellows and greens compliment each other so well. All girls go nuts for a guy who can color coordinate."

"Uh...huh.." Seifer said. Should he play with the girl? All answers were starting to point to yes.
"You do know that the big feet thing is crap, right?" He said in response to her answer as he penned it down. "And yellow and green does not look good...really."

"Are you confessing something about yourself then?" Heather asked. This time, she drew her face back from the camera so he could more easily tell that she was playing with him...and his silly little survey. Nothing like skewing the statistics, after all. "And they'd have to match or your hair and eyes don't go."

"Nooooo." Seifer said in a mocking tone of voice. "I just believe that your shoe size has nothing to do with that." He couldn't help but smirk. From her facial expression he could tell that she was kidding and he returned her look.

"Hm, then how about that thing where you hold your splayed hand up by your face?" She asked innocently as she went back to her regular recording. Absently, she noted how weird it was to be talking of these things with a clown, but, well, it still wasn't the weirdest thing ever.

"Hmmn...dunno about that one. Couldn't really care less." Seifer shrugged.
"Why don't you do it? Go on, even if you don't think its real..." Maria suggested.
"No.." Seifer retorted.

"C'mon, what are you afraid of?" Heather goaded him. Quite innocently, she moved closer until she was within arm's reach of the clown. "Or are you just afraid that you'll prove your...ah...limitations?"

Seifer let out an angered noise and splayed his hand, putting it near his face as Heather had described.
Maria shook her head and laughed in the background, pleased with how easy it was to get the man to do things...
"there.." Seifer growled. "No limitations."

"Hm, I don't know it looks like..." Heather trailed off as she leaned forward and, fairly lightly, she pushed on Seifer's hand with the intention of making him smack himself in the face. Really, she was sort of surprised that he'd fallen for it, but that didn't keep her from laughing.

And Seifers hand hit his face, making him look even more the clown. Even worse, his "nose" had been pushed up, clinging to the ridge of his "real nose".
"Argh!" He exclaimed as he tore off the red nose and threw it to the ground before moving to poke her...or something equal in revenge. "Come here!" He said. He was going to get her back.

"Hey, I didn't agree to be molested by a clown!" Heather chuckled as she moved to retreat. Unfortunately, it was a bit difficult, as she had the camera to her eye and was trying to walk backward, and she ended up tripping over another student's feet. With a surprised cry, she fell hard on her bottom and left herself open to retaliation.

"Ah! Fuck!" Seifer exclaimed as he watched her trip and fall. He hadn't expected that to happen. He admitted to himself that it was just a little difficult to poke her when she had a camera in her hand but...what the hey?
He went in for a gentle jab, right in the ribs with his finger.
"And I didn't expect to get abused by a camera girl!"

Heather made a very undignified noise when poked in the ribs, but she managed to laugh easily enough. Turning the camera off, she set it aside as she glanced up at the clown; really, he did seem like an okay guy who just got tricked into a really sucky assignment. "Well, you're just that lucky. Maybe if you're really good, I won't distribute copies to the rest of campus?"

"Wow. You think I'm lucky because you came to video record me?" He smirked. His wig was starting to fall off, and had become lopsided on his head when he bent down quickly to poke the camera girl. "Don't distribute the video or I'll just have to show your results to the campus."

"Of course you are. I'm sure anyone on campus'd be glad to have me record them." Heather snorted, then grinned. Noting the lopsided wig, she reached to snatch it from atop his head. "Oh please. I rather doubt it'd do anything...aside from make a bunch of boys in clown costumes show up by the girls' dorms....which might be worth it."

"That'd be worth seeing." Seifer snickered as the girl snatched the wig from on top of his head. Well, he was now completely recognisable should he be walking down a street...Great. He held out his hand offering to help the girl up. "Not that I think every girl has your sort of fetish."

"There're probably more out there than'd admit it," Heather snickered. Now that the clown was revealed, she grinned as she studied his features; no one she recognized, right off, but, then again, she hadn't met anyone much on campus yet. Taking his hand, she pulled herself up. "Especially a clown who seems to know all about pleasing himself."

"No..unfortunantly I now seem to know who does and doesn't know how to please themselves though." Seifer said with a snicker. "Some things you just don't want to know..."
He studied her features too, certain that he'd seen someone who looked like her before hand. A dark haired girl who didn't know what masturbation was.
"I think you can go now.." Maria whispered, giving him a nudge in the shoulder with her hand. She took the papers away from him and nodded to Heather. "I look forward to seeing your tape too." She grinned.
Seifer simply shook his head.

"Well, since you're a professor, I'll give you the first copy free of charge," Heather responded as she offered the woman a light grin. After checking to make sure that the camera was still in working order, she nodded and smiled at the clown. "See? You're getting off easy. She's even letting you go now. Not so bad, right?"

"Aw, much appreciated." Maria laughed before turning around to leave. "You two have fun." She called as she disappeared into the building.
"Are you kidding? That was HELL!" Seifer laughed, watching the professor disappear before turning back to the blonde. "And...you wouldn't happen to have a twin...would you?"

"Twin?" Heather blinked at that for a moment. She did know whom he was talking about, but it just seemed odd that Alessa would have met this odd clown-man. Shaking these thoughts away, she nodded. "Yea, you've seen her? She looks like me, except her hair's darker and longer."

"Yeah..she came around before." He shrugged. "Umm...she didn't know what...you know...was." Seifer thought that that was immensely weird as...well...who didn't know what masturbation was?

"Mm, I guess she wouldn't" Heather mused as she glanced down toward her feet. Sometimes, she forgot how innocent Alessa was, despite everything that had happened to her...to them. Well, however you wanted to say it; she still wasn't clear on the distinction between them. Pushing the thoughts away, she mock-glared at the blond. "I hope you didn't embarass her too badly."

"I didn't say anything to her." Seifer shook his head. He was being honest. He didn't really want to give the girl an education on sex. It wasn't up to him and he'd be just as embarassed as she if he explained it...
"No way I'm going to explain masturbation to someone who clearly does not know what it is.."

"Good boy," Heather snickered as she patted him atop the head. Though her words were light, she was clearly showing her gratitude for the lack of sexual education with her eyes; really, she sort of wanted to keep Alessa as innocent as she could for as long as she could. "I'm glad you resisted the temptation."

'Yeh...I'm...not really willing to explain masturbation, really." He couldn't help but snicker, letting the strange unnamed girl pat his head.
"So..you got a name?" He said, meeting her gaze once again. She seemed like a decent enough person.

"Well, there goes the rest of my afternoon," Heather joked, tossing him a grin. Because she would really want a random guy to explain to her all about masturbation...even if most of it had been explained during her high school health classes. "Heather. Yours?"

He returned her smile and nodded as he started to walk, slowly..hoping that she'd follow. "You'll have fun explaining that. Maybe we should all get Ms Sunderland to explain instead. Heh." He said before answering her question with "Names Seifer."

"Actually, from what little I read of her, she'd probably enjoy demonstrating it, even," Heather chuckled, but not unkindly. She didn't know much of the Sunderland woman, but she did seem pretty alright; she was even considering taking one of her courses. Idly playing with the camera in her hands, she did fall into step at Seifer's side. "Seifer, eh? That's an unique name."

"You're probably right." Seifer laughed. He was bitter with the woman for having made him do what he had to do but she had made him laugh at times.
"Heh..yeh, I know. I hate it." Seifer said, in response to her comment on his name. He figured that his parents had been hippies or simply drunk...or both.

"You hate it?" Heather tipped her head at this comment, regarding him questioningly. "It's not that bad of a name. It's pretty cool, in that my-parents-were-on-drugs sort of way." Smirk.

"Yeh...I'm not really fussed on it. I think my parents might have been drugged up. I'd ask 'em if I could..."
He smirked, but at the same time...he guessed it would have been nice to have had that chance..but some people just weren't that lucky.

"Well, not everyone's that lucky," Heather nodded slowly, biting softly on her lower lip. She supposed she'd been lucky, even if she couldn't remember her mom...well, either of her mothers. Really, the only parental figure she'd even known was her father and, well, who knew where he was now? "Or that unlucky. Sometimes parents aren't all they cracked up to be."

"Yeh..well thats true." Seifer answered, giving her a sideways glance. "But theres not much you can do...just gotta keep going right?"
You couldn't let death or bad parenting get you down. He'd always believed in soldiering on. Unfortunantly some people weren't as strong as him.

"Yea, of course," Heather nodded as she shook away her prior somber mood. Running a hand back through her hair, she glanced idly at their surroundings. "Can't really let anything stop you or you won't get anywhere. The way of the world."

"Mmmhmm." Seifer nodded agreement. "The world will step on ya if you don't stand up after you fall...or something like that anyway." He said, hoping he didn't sound too philosophical or weird. But it was true. The world didn't really care.

"Yea exactly," Heather agreed as she glanced sidelong to Seifer. "The world isn't going to stop and wait for you to get back on your feet...and the people who think that it will are delusional...and a bit selfish. Not that it means much in a place like this."

"Yeah.." What she'd said reminded him of his rival, Squall. Squall who moped about and seemed to wait for the world to do him a favour...Man, he really hated people like Squall...
He looked down...he'd probably feel better having this conversation if he wasn't in a clown suit...but whatever.

"You probably need to go change, huh?" Heather asked as she noticed that he was now glancing down at himself. Smirking a bit, she smacked him gently on the shoulder. "I'll let you go then while I return this," here she held up the borrowed videocamera. "to the art department."

"You know, it mightn't be a bad idea.." He smirked back as he noticed people pointing and giggling. "I think I wanna get out of this damn thing as soon as possible."

"We're not too far from the dorms," Heather pointed out as she glanced around. She wasn't too familiar with the campus yet, but she could recognize the dorms not too far away. "if you run, you should be able to get there before anyone asks for a balloon animal."

Seifer laughed, his gaze following her finger in the direction of the dorm. He looked back and smiled at Heather before taking a few steps back.
"I'll do that. Hey, if you see me around just gimme a yell 'kay?"
Yeah..so he wanted to see her again. There was something about her that he liked. Her attitude, most definently.

"Well, you know you're going to have to see me at least one more time," Heather snickered. Privately, she was thinking it might be more than one more time, but she wasn't going to jinx herself; she wasn't read to jump entirely in, yet. "I have to give you your copy of the tape, right?"

"Ah yeah. Of course." He really hated that tape. He contemplated running up and stealing the camera but it probably wasn't worth breaking the damn thing. Besides they were both on it so they both looked equally bad, right?
"That wonderful fucking tape." He could'nt help but smirk a bit.

"Well, you know, it'll be something to show your grankids, someday," She joked. Of course, she had to be just as careful of the tape as he did; she was, after all, on it talking about her supposed clown fetish and, even if it could be amusing, she wasn't sure she wanted that getting around so much. "or maybe some cute little co-ed'll see it and fall in love with you."

"Riiight. I'm not so sure that most girls hold the same...interests...as you do." Seifer taunted, referring to the clown fetish. "But who knows, some guy might be interested in your clowny thing and rock up in a sexy clown suit just for you."

"I'm half tempted to let it get around just to see if any of the guys around here really are that hard up," She admitted as she shook her head. Not that she'd likely hook up with them, anyway, but it seemed like it could be a little amusing. "Then again, I've already seen the hottest guy in a clown suit, so..." She smirked at him when she said that, perhaps teasing, perhaps not.

"Oh?" Seifer blinked, trying to look as innocent as possible. "Where'd you see this clown? Don't tell me someone was copying Miss Sunderlands idea." He said in a mock disappointed voice. She teased him. He teased back.

"Yea, there was a guy over by the cafe, off-campus. You should go see it." Heather taunted, though it was clear she was teasing. Who, after all, would be devious enough to put a guy in a clown suit...aside from Prof Sunderland...okay, and a few fast food chains.

"Ah damn. And I was thinking i was the only clown about here." Seifer said, keeping his typical smirk and watching Heather with amusement. He hoped that maybe she'd be in some of his classes, so he could annoy her some more...It'd be fun.

"Well, you'll always be the masturbation clown, at least," She assured him, adding a light pat atop his head. For a moment, she wondered if she should ask Seifer what classes he was taking, but soon decided that'd be a touch too stalkerish, at this point. "and soon the whole campus'll now it."

"Ha..yeah...I hope the masturbation clown has a special place in everyones hearts...or something." He said with a tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

"Well, I'm not sure about their hearts," Heather snickered, then shook her head. "though, unless you want to get too comfortable with it, maybe you should go get yourself changed. I'd hate to see you get hassled by some dumb jocks or anything because of this."

"Yeah..I'd better run." Seifer said, really wanting to get out of the costume and get intobetter clothes. Jeans and a loose shirt sounded good.
"I'll see ya around." He said.

"Yea, maybe I'll see you in a class or two," Heather agreed. After waving briefly, she headed back to the art buildng, but she couldn't help but glance at him over her shoulder as she left; yea, she'd definitely be seeing him around.

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